Vulnerability

Tonight was supposed to be an excited post outlining my adventures last fall on my first trip to England for Level 1&2 training. Today took a different tack so that post will have to wait. I promised to share the good, bad, and ugly of the journey I’m on so let’s make good on that.

Some optimistic sunrise photo I took at Round the County last November. Insert your own cliche inspirational quote if you must.

My hope in participating in the Clipper Race and other sailing adventures is to encourage others to be brave and take risks. The fact of the matter is that risk tasking involves inevitable failure. It can be minor failure, it can be big failure, but at some point it’s going to happen. Right now I’m feeling pretty discouraged, as I’m not where I hoped to be by now with my individual fundraising and it’s going to be an uphill battle to get there. I know I can do it and I know deep down that somehow it’s all going to work out, but right now I don’t know what that’s going to look like. You see, my HR contract ended at the end of January and I chose to take the leap and go full time with my sewing business. There have been some exciting successes and really great weeks, but also a metric shitload of learning that running a business by yourself is a hell of a lot harder than doing a cute choreographed pitch on Shark Tank.

I say all of this not to be a Debby Downer or to look for pity, but to say that the Sailing Unicorn is not all sunshine and roses and not everything I touch turns to magic. Sometimes I wind up in epic, messy challenges that I need to work a way out of. I am growing and learning all the time and trying to not make the same mistakes twice, but holy crap is this hard to navigate. Sometimes I think I’m an absolute idiot for leaving the corporate job with an enticing stock vesting schedule a few years ago. Other times I realize that while this is not the easy path, it will hopefully result in some epic stories that I will laugh about in the future. I am so incredibly lucky to have the support system that I have, especially on nights like tonight where I got home late, exhausted, and just needed a shoulder to cry on and a beer. Tonight it feels like the goal I have three months to reach is slipping further and further away. Tonight I am discouraged and out of energy to work out Plan D, E, or whatever the F it is at this point. To those who know the Spoon theory, my drawer runneth empty. To those not in the know, I highly recommend you read about it here. Tomorrow I will brew a cup of tea, throw my hair in a bun, regroup and get back to hustling my ass off to make this shit happen.

If you’ve read this quasi-pity party and feel like sending a hug over the internet, go for it. I’ll be ok, but tonight I’m tired and beat down.

Love,

Sailing Unicorn.

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